Ghosting ends relationships that lose their integrity, spirit


Ben Yelton

In Nov. 2015, freshman Daniel Favela’s relationship with his girlfriend was as happy as it could be. They hung out every day, holding hands in the hallway and going to just about every social event together. Then, about a month later in December, their relationship started to deteriorate.
Their texting and calls started to slow down, and their communication was at a bare minimum.
“It eventually just got to the point where I didn’t talk with her,” Favela said. “She didn’t talk with me, and it was over like that.”
According to the New York Times and Psychology Today, Favela’s relationship ended by ghosting. Ghosting is defined as when a friend or partner disappears without any explanation at all: no more texts, calls or any form of communication.
In Oct. 2012, YouGov/Huffington Post ran a poll about ghosting based on 1,000 American adults. They concluded that more than 10 percent of those American adults had “ghosted” someone. Nowadays there is basically unlimited communication, and dating is more online than ever.
“With the technology we have now,” freshman Erica Mingus said, “most people honestly talk more on their phones than they do in person.”
When Mingus’s boyfriend moved to a different state, their relationship started to go downhill. Their communication was slowing down to a halt, ending three months after he moved.
“I was, unfortunately, afraid of how [he] would react,” Mingus said. “So I just kind of slowly faded out.”
According to, ghosting can happen at any stage in the relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t work. Some people would rather assume that their partner is in a coma or dead than accept the fact that they are being ignored.
Some see ghosting as a polite way to end a relationship while others see it as a rude action. RBHS counselor Dr. Jordan Alexander thinks ghosting is not a healthy way to end a relationship, especially when exes see each other often.
“The standard that I would offer is this: If you had a face-to-face relationship with someone, friendship or romantic, would you be comfortable walking right past that person and acting as if they did not exist? If the answer is ‘no,’ then ghosting is not appropriate for an electronic relationship,” Alexander said. “For me, the decision stems from two factors: one, what is the nature and quality of the relationship? And two, how comfortable is the person with direct communication?”
For number one, Alexander said that if the person believes that an electronic relationship is somehow less ‘real’ or the person is less emotionally invested in it, then ghosting might seem acceptable. The person might be more inclined to ghost if they are uncomfortable with direct communication.
Favela also believes that ghosting is not the ideal way to end a relationship.
“I think [ghosting] will change the way I think about communicating with my partner in the future, but I don’t want it to have to come to that again,” Favela said. “Although less communication is less work, I think it is easier for everyone if you just be straight up with your partner.”