“I’m gonna go home, and I know I’m being myself. And being myself, [it …], allows me to have friends. With myself, I don’t have to fake […] how I dress and […]  feel for someone else, just to feel wanted.”

RBHS senior Jaylin Larkins worked through the mental hardships of making and keeping friends, going on her own [path] post high school, and reflecting on her time at RBHS

For Larkins, leaving high school and going on her own is not just about getting a higher education. It’s about figuring out who she is based on what she surrounds herself with. For her, it’s not only about becoming an adult and taking on adult responsibilities but also figuring out what being an adult truly means.

Q: What sports do you play?

A: “I am a dancer and then I also do competitive diving with the school.”

Q: When you talk about the way you see yourself and being comfortable in yourself, did you find that was hard when you first started Ballet?

A: “Oh absolutely. Being in Missouri in a class of 20 little girls who were all very pale, very white, obviously I’m not the most color pigmented person. I have curly hair, and I remember every day my ballet teacher would have ‘bun checks.’ So who had the slickest back bun, who had the tightest bun [and] who had the best hair. I could never get my hair that slicked back or that perfectly into a bun because [my] curls didn’t want to cooperate. So for me, it was like, ‘How can I do this when the standard isn’t set up for me to do that?’ It’s very hard. But I’ve come to try new different hairstyles and different things that make me feel more comfortable in what I do because it’s my sport. It’s what I’m doing. I make it my own.”

Q: That’s amazing. So do your parents support you a lot in your sports? Are they pretty encouraging?

A: “Yeah, they’re very, very supportive. They were very sports centered. They were like, ‘I at least want you doing one sport to keep you active, to keep you healthy, so you can continue to work on yourself.’ But my mom did gymnastics and then ballet. I did that as well when I was younger. And then I stopped [gymnastics] more recently. My dad [is] a professional dancer. So he breakdanced all around the world, with a B-board group […] He’s traveled to so many different countries, and then he did diving. So it’s kind of like they’re awesome at what they do. I kind of wanted to live up to their name. It’s not like  they’re putting pressure on me. It’s more of me putting more pressure on myself because I know that I want them to see me doing good. I want them to know that I can do cool things that they did as well.”

Q: That’s so cool. What are some of your hobbies outside of your sports?

A: “Outside of sports, I love shopping. I love exploring [with] my outfits. I always love sitting in my room just thinking about what I am going to wear.”

Q: How do you determine your style? Do you have a set style? Is it like all over the place?

A: “I think [experimenting] is my favorite. It’s all over the place every day. I’ll wear skirts one day and like a super tight top and then the next day I’ll wear the baggiest hoodie you can find and the baggiest jeans. I feel [like I’m it’s just] exploring different styles while you’re kind of […] learning to see what you love the best. And what I love the best is wearing everything because clothes are just fun. Expressing yourself is fun.”

Q: So focusing on a bit of the education aspect, what are some of the hardest things that you’ve faced in your four years at RBHS?

A: “Some of the hardest things I’ve faced [is that] I am a terrible speller. I can’t do it. I hate spelling. So English classes were always some of the worst struggles for me. I can write, I can type but writing out a whole essay, my teachers will look back at [it], and they’ll be like, ‘Do you know any of these words?’ I’m like, ‘No.’ It’s kind of finding a balance of  know[ing] what I can do, what I can’t do and trying to work on those things that I can’t do. [It’s] more [like I am] learning to motivate myself to do that because lack of motivation is a huge thing [for me]. I’m a procrastinator. I don’t like doing things that I don’t want to do. So my homework will sit there until the last second.”

Q: Do you have a college picked out?

A: “I do. I do have a college pick[ed] out. I’m going through a program called Virto, and I’m studying in Argentina.”

Q: Okay, what made you pick to go overseas?

A.“I always knew I didn’t want to stay in the U.S.. I was kind of like, ‘I need to see other places. I need to explore different cultures, [and] I need to make new friends.’ Not that I don’t love my friends here. They will always hold a place in my heart, but I feel like branching out and exploring new things can give you a deeper […] understanding of others, not just the people around you. Because I remember I went to New York, and I was like, ‘There’s so many different cultures mushed into one city.’ You have so many Korean people there, and they’re speaking Korean. There’s so many Hispanic people speaking Spanish. I felt like I was almost in a different country because I was like, ‘there’s so many […] different languages being spoken.’ I’m like, ‘That is so cool. That is awesome.’”

Q: So when you go overseas to Argentina, are you looking for something specific? Do you have an idea of what you want to do?

A: “For me, it’s kind of more general studies. Because the first year of college is all general studies. It’s all the classes you have to take. So I’m kind of learning and seeing what I like, [and] what I don’t like. Because I can always tell you [if] ‘I don’t like this.’ But I can never decide what I want. So it’s more of narrowing everything down to see what I do want and trying to figure that out from there. Because I would love to do cosmetology, hair [and] nails. That sounds [like] so much fun. I’d also love to be a baker. There’s so many things I want to do with my life, and I know trying to pick one thing is so hard. So I’m like, I just want to do everything. I just want to go to all these concerts. I want to meet all these people.”

Q: What have you found is the easiest way for you to connect with other people?

A.”The easiest way for me to connect with other people is […] just branching out in general. I don’t know how to phrase it any other way. But if you’re sat with a random person, the way I find is to either compliment or complain. So if I’m sitting next to you, I’m like, ‘Oh my goodness, this next upcoming test is so hard.’ We keep the conversation going with that complaining. We’ll complain about the class no matter how happy [we] are, at least for me. Everyone has something in their life [that] is really bringing [them] down right now. So I’m like, ‘Talk to me about it. Let me learn about you [and your struggles].’ Or  if I see something on their phone, […]I’m looking. I remember I saw one of my friends with a K-Pop member on their phone and was like, ‘Oh my gosh, I love K-pop. You love K-pop. What is this?’” 

Q: What excites you the most [about being on your own], but what also scares you the most?

A: The freedom, just in general. [But] you’ll always be able to rely on your parents. For me, I’ll always be able to rely on my parents. But being so far away from them is scary. I never realized how much I rely on my parents until the second they’re probably gonna be gone, and that scares me every single day. So the hardest part for me is the freedom. Like, yes, I wanna go explore. I wanna be independent every day. But at the end of the day, I’m gonna call my mom every single day. I’m gonna call my dad every single day and tell them about my day. Because that’s how deep of a connection I have with my parents. I […] want to be able to live in my own space, […] explore,do my own things, cook my own food [and] do my own laundry.  Not that I don’t do that now, but it’s kind of like learning to be an adult. It’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is so exciting.  Oh my gosh, I get to be independent, this is so much fun.’  Then at the end of the day, I’m kind of like, ‘This is scary because [you’re on]  your own, you’re going to be sick on your own. You’re going to be happy on your own. You’re going to be sad on your own.’”

Q: You have  such confidence [when you walk into a room].  How do you do that? What’s your secret? 

A: Knowing at the end of the day, I’m gonna go home, and I have people who love me. I’m gonna go home, and I still have friends. I’m gonna go home, and I know I’m being myself. And being myself, allows me to have friends. [When I’m] being myself, I don’t have to fake how I dress and how I feel for someone else just to feel wanted. I’m not going to change myself for you. So either you accept it or you don’t. And I know [sometimes] you lose friends. It happens, that’s the way of life. But you don’t need 100 friends. You [just need] one good person that understands how you feel, how you move,how you talk and all this stuff. You will always feel like someone has your back. Being confident is different for everyone. Confidence can be ordering on your own for the first time. Confidence can be talking to someone you’ve never talked to before. [There’s] like different levels of confidence. I think I’ve like elevated myself.”