‘Weather’ or not you agree, climate change is a hoax


Art by Moy Zhong

Katie Whaley

All scientists are shams. Between their lengthy words and outlandish hypotheses, they have crafted deceitful fantasies to oppress and blind us from the truth. They contend the earth is round when it is not. They assert the ridiculous notion that the weather app can tell us more about the length of winter than the groundhog and its shadow. They even argue the sun does not revolve around the earth when anyone with two eyes can see it clearly does.
Now they claim climate change is real and a peril. Do not become a fool to another one of their absurd fairy tales and learn the truth: climate change is a myth.
News of glaciers melting is fake. Ice caps are not disappearing; people are simply misplacing them. They forget glaciers migrate from the North Pole to Antarctica. If they would keep track of the icebergs on their voyage, there would be no issues. As a suggestion, there should be trackers on all polar bears, who always stay in their igloos on the icebergs, so that professionals can record where the ice caps are at all times.
Animals, of course, are the solution to uncovering all the lies scientists conceive. If scientists really wanted to counteract the “increase” in hurricanes, they would teach whales to swim in the opposite direction of the currents. With the whales spinning against the hurricane, the storm will halt in its path and turn around back to where it came.
Furthermore, the birds and the bees reveal the organic place greenhouse gases have in the ecosystem. Bee fur absorbs methane and carbon dioxide. These gases help pollen stick to the fur and, when the insect arrives at the hive, the two gases melt the pollen off the body at 104 degrees and that creates honey.
Also, birds, in order to fly, must intake a certain amount of nitrous oxide annually. The gas builds up close to the equator during the winter, which is why birds fly south. Along their route, there are pockets filled with nitrous oxide and when birds fly through them, they receive a speed boost. It’s like the Mario Kart item boxes.
We must overthrow the scientists who spread lies. In fact, we should go to the root of the issue: science itself. The government should abolish all science, as the discipline only hypnotizes sympathizers into believing in and acting upon conspiracies, such as climate change and gravity. These are theoretical boundaries, not reality.
Science serves no purpose to society. Animals, however, do. The government must immediately prohibit science and instead, fund more zoos to ensure the safety of those animals that keep us and the environment alive every single day.
Are scientists really serving their purpose? Let us know in the comments below!