Isn’t May supposed to be the month with flowers? Today is May 6. 

I had a terrible night’s sleep last night. I had planned to be asleep no later than midnight (which honestly isn’t too terribly late), but try as I might, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed, trying to find a comfortable position. My room either had too much light or not enough, was too warm or too cold; I felt like a sleep deprived Goldilocks. I didn’t check the time, but my best guess would be I didn’t fall asleep until nearly 2 a.m.

When I woke up, I felt confused and disoriented. A poor night’s rest tends to leave me out of sorts. I made myself a bowl of oatmeal with pecans and honey to try to wake up my mind and give me some energy, but that didn’t seem to work. Because of my allergies, my sense of smell is out of service currently, so most food I eat tastes pretty bland. 

I enjoy spring, I really do, just so long as it’s at a distance. Even having the windows and doors in our house open makes me sneeze so hard I think my head will pop right off. I take allergy medication every day, but when the world is starting to bloom, I don’t think it does much good. I’m pretty sure no matter where I am in the house, the rest of my family can pinpoint my exact location when I sneeze because of how loud it is.

In the early afternoon, I took a shower and shaved. I don’t know how long it’s been since my last shower, but I know for a fact it had been long enough that my hair felt greasy and disgusting. As I was cleaning up, I kept thinking about how much I’m missing playing volleyball. I haven’t played in nearly two months at this point, and I know whenever life starts to return to normal I’ll be out of practice. 

Even though I don’t have many close relationships with the people I play with (most of them are veritable strangers), I miss the consistency club practices provided my week with. Playing recreationally was also a great way to blow off steam and relax. I’ve been playing volleyball for years now. I started back in seventh grade. I remember practicing and working my way up through the various levels of competitiveness until I had a chance to show the upper echelon of players I could hold my own against them. 

I haven’t had much formal training aside from a few months of club volleyball each year and a couple of camps during the summer. For the most part, I’ve learned how to play by watching and copying what I see others do. I’m sure I have terrible form, but my heart is in the game when I play. I can’t wait until I’m able to be back on the court again.

I have my fingers crossed that a few nights of going to bed early will help me get my head on straight so I can focus on studying and school. I know I’ve not been working as hard as I should be to prepare for my upcoming Advanced Placement exams, but I still have five full days I can use for cramming before my first test. I think what I’m most afraid of is disappointing my teachers (and myself) if I don’t do well. I know these last two months have been rough for everyone, but I want to show myself I can perform well on these exams regardless of outside factors. It’s time for me to start putting in that work to make my wish a reality.

“To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.” ― Joseph Chilton Pearce

How did you spend your 50th day of social distancing? Let us know in the comments below.