Ever since I was a little girl my family taught me one main thing: treat others the way you want to be treated; with respect and kindness. As I’ve gotten older, I expected people to become more mature and kinder; however, I have found that people around me tend to drift further from this axiom as they age.

During elementary school I was bullied a lot, whether that was my getting left out or talked about behind my back. It had a huge effect on me, leaving me feeling terrible about myself. I hated being left out by people, even more so with the ones that I truly believed were my friends. During my third and fourth grade years in elementary school I wrestled with self-hatred of my body image; my hair was insanely curly and frizzy, and I absolutely hated my weight. There was one girl in particular who constantly bullied me, making fun of my glasses, my weight and my personality all together. Despite all this, I chose to keep treating her with as much kindness as I could find in my heart because deep down I believed that if I treated her with kindness she would reciprocate it. 

Then middle school came around. 

Going into middle school I knew no one, because my elementary school was not my home school, so all my friends were sent to Smithton while I was sent to gentry. At the time, I was a very outgoing preteen because I had realized that others opinions on me didn’t matter as much as how I felt about myself, so I made friends quickly. There were a few people who I hadn’t been friends with at Midway Heights that came from my elementary school with me, one being the girl who had tortured me during elementary school. 

As the middle school progressed, she tried her hardest to push her way into my friendships and make me miserable. Between sixth and seventh grade, the agonizing mistreatment became practically unbearable, being made fun of for the way I dressed and or my personality all together. I was lonely and had gotten to a point of so much self loathing that I fell into a state of depression. This was when she saw her chance to make things worse; she was making a plan threatening to kill me and telling a mutual friend about it in the hopes of getting her to help; however, this friend came to me, we went to the school counselor and principal Dr. Bishara who ended up putting a restraining order in place because they felt there wasn’t enough information to pressure the issue more in any other way.  

The rest of middle school sped by, I went into high school losing my two best friends, one because she was going to a different school and the other decided she was “too good for me.” This left me feeling deserted and although I tried to hold onto my remaining friend groups many people even with time would leave me out. The same girl from elementary school through middle school ended up at the same high school as me. Through time we learned how to be civil, a few nods in the hallways here and there, we were kind to each other when we were put in positions where we had to talk; however, I always had a fear of what she would do to me or say about me next. Even now, I have a hard time believing her when she calls me a friend because in this past year she has stolen things from me and denied it. 

I genuinely feel like deep down she probably is a better person who just got led down the wrong path by others who didn’t treat her with the kindness that most people need.  I have been able to find a place in my heart, and I’ve tried to understand why she acts the way that she does. In the end, what I took from the whole experience was that you should always choose to be the bigger person when it comes to bullying never take on the other person’s ways, even if you feel like it’ll make things better it just makes you as bad as them.I say this because 

I believe it’s not just something I should do, but that you should also learn from my experiences. I would finally feel like I could trust her and our friendship all together wouldn’t be so broken. I still choose to believe that everyone deserves another chance and I will continue to treat her graciously, but I am going to try and distance myself from the negativity in the hopes of making myself a better person.